My Experience With...
Sandy Hogan aka Sandra Kay Gregory Hogan

Lie!

Lie!

Lie!

The Horror...

Back on May 22, 2010 I met Sandy Hogan on a lesbian website called tangowire.com.  She indicated she was divorced and her children didn't live with her.  We talked every day, fell in love and she came to see me on June 10, 2010.  Life was beyond wonderful and good - or so I thought.

Over the next 18 months, Sandy professed her undying love for me, wrote me lots of 'love letters' and we were happy.  She wanted to get married and spend her life with me.  I bought her a gorgeous diamond ring (Hearts on Fire) and earrings.  Yes, I wanted to spend my life with her, too but something drastically changed that.  I realized that I had been lied to this entire time and our whole relationship was based on a lie - or, about 50 or more...

Yes, Sandy Hogan (or Sandra Kay Gregory Hogan or any such derivatives) is a sociopath.  She told me all kinds of lies and her lies has caused me huge amounts of stress, financial despair so much that I've gone bankrupt and are fighting to keep my home out of foreclosure. 

Sandy lied to me from the very beginning.  She indicated she was divorced on her profile on tangowire.com but was in fact, married.  She claimed her daughters didn't live with her, when in fact, they did.  She told me lies after lies after lies about her marriage to Dave and said that she had been divorced for over 15 years when we met.  Sandy was never divorced!  She was married to Dave all that time.  She told me lie after lie about Dave being a "stalker" and how he followed her from Wyoming to Colorado Springs when Sandy moved there to be with her Mom and Dad when her Dad was sick.  How they lived in different parts of the city in different homes, etc.  This wasn't true.  Sandy was married and living with Dave and the girls when I met her online!

She told me how she was in therapy for 2 years after her divorce from Dave.  Again, she was still married to him when we met! 

She lied about intimate things with Dave.  She lied and told story after story about her relationship with him.  She lied and concocted an entire story about her being a single mom for all of those years and how she struggled and had to take care of the girls and how hard it was.  She probably lied about her car accident that she was allegedly in when she got side swiped by another driver.  Telling me that she just thought of the girls and that she needed to live because all they had was her.  So many lies...

Then... money came into the picture...

She knew she got me emotionally with her quest to be 'a family' as I never felt I had one.  That's what sociopaths do.  They find out what makes you tick, what your vulnerabilities are and then know how to work you...

She moved into her Mom's house and told me it was to help her out.  Hindsight told me that she moved there because she had left her husband and didn't have anywhere to go. 

She hated it there.  Called it 'the dungeon' and wanted out.  Then, one day her daughter overflowed the washing machine and had water all over the finished basement.  Sandy whined and complained and was going to stay in her car.  Yeah, she knew how to get me.  So, I paid for 2 weeks for her to stay at the Marriott and I went to visit her. 

Once she knew how easy that was, she talked about getting her own place.  Naturally, I got sucked into giving her a down payment for the lease, flew out to help her, paid for the moving truck, physically moved her stuff and then bought all kinds of furniture, kitchenware, linens, silverware, mops, vacuum, broom, - you name it, I bought it or had it at my home and shipped it to her.  Got me sucked into that outlay of money...

Before she moved though, she lied about an injury to her dog, Lucy.  She said that while she was living at her mom's that Lucy got a stick impaled in her side and had to take her to emergency vet clinic.  I sent her $400.00 - $600.00 for that because she didn't have the money.  Funny, how seeing Lucy a million times after that that she never had a scar from this so-called injury.

Then, Sandy talked more and more about coming to my home to live and professed her undying love for me.  How her daughters, her and I was 'family'.  So, Sandy moved here the summer of 2011 when her youngest daughter was going to start her senior year in high school.  I told her I would wait another year (she lied about her age and grade when we met saying that she was a year older than she actually was) but she insisted and had "lots of conversations with the girls" and they would be fine. 

Well, things weren't fine.  The girls acted up - naturally and Sandy moved back in September to start a job as a special education teacher in Colorado Springs. 

Hindsight in to this episode was that Sandy lied to everyone.  She never told her Mom she was moving yet if something happened to the girls while she was here, her Mom was supposed to be the one to call.  She lied or had the girls lie to Dave as to her whereabouts.  I'm sure she lied to her sister, too. 

So what did I do to prepare for her arrival?  I repainted my whole house, put new carpeting and blinds in, made her a beautiful built-in closet because she said that she never felt like she had a home until she met me and always lived out of tubs.  Bunk!  She had a home with Dave and the girls!  I bought a brand new bedroom set, new linens, new bedspread, changed the guest room into a beautiful room, put her on my will --- did so many things.  Spent thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars.

Before Sandy moved into her house, I had bought the girls and Sandy a trip to Florida as I wanted the girls to know more about me and feel comfortable with her their mom was involved with and who, someday would marry.  Thousands of dollars was spent on that trip, too. 

I remember too, back at the beginning how she fabricated a host of lies about a fictitious relationship she had with a woman named "Rose".  This of course, was when she was supposedly divorced but was still married.  She told me how she had a 5 year relationship with Rose and that her two daughters were just small at the time.  She lied and said that Rose died of ovarian cancer and said that she had to deal with her family, handle all the funeral arrangements, their house together and everything and her supposed intimate relationship with Rose for 5 years.  One lie after another she told...

As a matter of fact, she concocted another story about how she left Dave when the girls were small and went to live with Rose.  She told me details of the day she left and everything.  And of course, how she struggled for all those years as being a single mom - when she was really married all that time living with Dave.

I can't tell you the despair all of this has taken on me.  The past almost 2 1/2 years have been hell. 

I was suffering from mercury poisoning from leaky amalgam fillings in my mouth during the time I knew Sandy.  The muddled thinking and memory loss became much worse when I chipped one of my molars during that summer of 2011.  My body blew up, put on tons of weight and my memory became so bad I could hardly put 2 and 2 together.  My thoughts were very fragmented and muddled.  Mercury was pouring into my system 24/7.  Of course, Sandy had nothing to do with that but she surely took advantage of it.  All of the lies she told.  She knew exactly what she was doing and taking advantage of me knowing I'd give her the shirt off my back and that she'd take it without an ounce of remorse whatsoever.

Sandy even lied about being a virgin for those 15 years she was supposedly divorced (when she was still married) and that she didn't date anyone or have sex with anyone.  Exposing me to her herpes is a federal crime and is just plain, downright wrong. 

All of these lies are just the tip of the iceburg.  I'm sure there were daily lies.  Lies about poems she said she wrote to me but really copied off the internet.  Probably lies about where she was at.  God only knows about all the lies.  But these lies have been destructive to me.  Not only with my heart because I was so deceived and lied to over and over again and taken advantage of but this has caused me to gone bankrupt because I believed in her lies and would have never, ever dated her or been interested in her if I had knew she was married.  NEVER. 

Bankruptcy has nearly crippled me.  I have spent the past couple of years trying to keep my home out of foreclosure.  A home that I put in hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars and nearly 20 years of my life.  But now, the mortgage company just wants to foreclose because they haven't received a payment during the bankruptcy proceedings.  I have had to hire an attorney, fighting with another attorney and spent every day afraid and in despair.  This financial ruin has affected other people very close to me and it's just plain wrong.  It will literally affect the rest of our lives.  I wonder where I'll live, where I'll be at.  How will I survive?  All of this because I believed the words of a sociopath, Sandra Kay Gregory Hogan. 

Does she have an ounce of remorse whatsoever?  No.  She simply ignores and keeps her phony face on.  As a matter of fact, she was back on tangowire within 2 weeks of us breaking up claiming to "honest, trustworthy and compassionate" and how she believes so much in honesty, etc.  Ya, ya, ya.  Blah. Blah. Blah.  She's right back at it again waiting to suck someone else in and lie to them over and over again. 

Funny - she always was so paranoid about finding something on the internet about her when we were together.  She said it was so Dave didn't see anything because "he was a stalker" but I have a feeling there's much more to be discovered.  I wouldn't doubt this lying is filtered in her professional life, family life and every area about her.  She's good though.  She's vague enough and changes the topic and smothers you with kisses so you will hopefully forget or not press on with your questions.  But, that doesn't last very long and even when I had mercury poisoning, I finally got it figured out when I got detoxed from the mercury.  I only wished I had my memory back then because I would have been able to put the pieces of the puzzle together a lot faster and would have picked up on her lies. 

Yes, this is a 'live and learn' situation that I will have haunt me for the rest of my life... 

And --- that is just part of my story...

Also - Sandy is pretty good at getting things deleted off the internet but I found an old yahoo document how Dave won an athletic director of the year award and what few sentences were written in there?  By verbatim:  "Dave and his wife, Sandy have been married for 20 years.  Together they have two daughters, K and E. "  I'm not including her daughter's names although they definitely told me lies and were probably made to lie to me from Sandy.  They're grown adults now but why bother?  Ironically, that Yahoo document has been deleted.  No worries.  I still have a copy of it. 

BTW - Have I ever done anything like this before?  Sharing my personal story on the internet?  No, I haven't.  Sociopaths are everywhere.  I recommend everyone read 'The Sociopath Who Lives Next Door'.  The author had a great advice for dating or any relationship when discovering lies.  Here it is:

'one lie, one broken promise or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding. Two lies may be a serious mistake.  But three lies says you're dealing with a liar and lying is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior.  Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can.  Do not give your money, affection, secrets or time to a 3-timer.  Your valuable gifts will be wasted. 

The last lie --- She told me she would send the rest of my things to me when I sent her suitcases and boxes full of her things.  (I only asked for a few things that could fit into one small box.)  Nope.  Never received my things.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zip. Her last lie and final time ignoring me which she is profoundly good at.